下了公交车，兜了好几圈 ，终于找到了曾经熟悉的线路 。距第一次来，已经八年了。那时哥嫂在附近租了一间平板泥砖房。哥在一个小区当保安，嫂子在家则专职带着不满一周岁的侄儿 。而已经参加了两年工作的我 ，为生病的嫂子特意送来800元钱，那是我近两个月的工资。
这个促使我领着侄儿重游的地方，其实是一座极其漂亮的公园。牵着侄儿的小手 ，轻轻走上入口的台阶 。
“记得 ，记得，姑，那边是有一个大湖吧？湖里是有许多鱼吧？我小时候天天从这喂鱼 。 ”
哦，原来 ，是这样。原来侄儿脑海中储存的那一点点记忆，无非是大人们不断重复的 、回忆的一个个故事的模板，听得久了 ，就当成了自己的记忆 。成人不也是一样吗，如同多次做同一个梦一样，次数多了，就分不清是梦还是现实了。
携着侄儿 ，来到湖边。湖上那座琉璃瓦的红木亭依然富丽堂皇，汉白玉的石桥护栏依然白得耀眼 。只是湖中少了喷泉的装点，较以前竟似乎少了些许生气。大概是由于夏日骄阳的炙烤 ，一切都显得慵懒。找了一块稍有一点阴凉的地方，倚在石桥栏杆上，拉过侄儿 ，指着桥下暗影的浮动之处，“快看，金鱼 。你以前就是在这里喂鱼的。 ”
侄儿高兴得瞪大了眼睛 ，目不转睛地盯着一条条摇头摆尾、自由自在游动着的鱼儿，不知在想些什么。那些金色、红色 、黑色、白色、还有黑白相间花色的鱼儿一会集成一簇，一会儿又各奔东西 ，一会儿玩捉着草影儿，一会儿又争夺着鱼食 。
多少年前，我曾写过一篇《一尾孤寂的小鱼》短文，就是源于这里。那个夏天 ，我在这里逗留了十来日，哥哥为了我能少些烦闷，每天晚上 ，都会收起一身的疲惫，带上嫂子，抱着小侄儿 ，我们一起来这里看喷泉，赏金鱼。我本来很喜欢鱼，每当在画上看到画着的那活泼可爱的鱼儿 ，都想伸出手去捧一捧。但当真实地看到了，并且是成百上千条金鱼集聚的盛况，却没产生一点兴奋与精神上的震撼 。
也许那时太年轻 ，太狂妄，甚至可以说是无病呻吟。夏日的夜晚，很多人利用散步之余，在湖心亭内 ，挤在一起纷纷向水中投以鱼食，以此来快乐地观赏在白炽灯与碧水相互交映下，由食物吸引过来的大群大群美丽的游鱼。虽初次与鱼为缘 ，但我居然很反感它们争食的情景，我认为那是一种丑态，一种谄媚 ，一种生存的悲哀 。所以，我宁愿一个人躲到黑暗的角落，去和那尾孤寂的 、不与群鱼相争的小鱼对话。
然而 ，时间就这样过去了八年，那条孤寂的小鱼又能怎样呢？也许它被周围的同类同化了，也或许带着她的孤高、她的绝艳 ，仍然独处一隅，或者已经死掉了。总之我没有再见到她，曾经的那条不凡的我喜欢着的鱼 。
现在想想，我们何曾不像这群鱼儿一样 ，被人豢养，被人束缚，被人欣赏 ，被人把玩。生存，绝对不容易，它需要技能。生活在瓶颈之中 ，才知道孤傲无济于事 。所以，对于那些活着的，弱小的生命只是有些怜悯 ，有些哀伤，而彻底失去了厌恶与憎恨。
突然间觉得，侄儿九岁了，还是一个孩童 ，但这群鱼儿却老了吧 。
After the bus, a few laps, finally found the route that was familiar with. The first time, it has been eight years. At that time, my brother leased a flat plate on a plate. Brother is a security guard in a community, and the nephew is full of duty in a duty. I have participated in two years of work, for the sick scorpion, I deliberately sent 800 yuan, it is my nearly two months of salary.
This prompts me to receive the place where the nephew reaches, is actually an extremely beautiful park. Take the little hand of the nephew and gently walk the stairs of the entrance."The nephew, this place, we have come since every day, do you remember?" Ming knows that he is not a year old, has not yet produced memories. Just asked in an unscrupulous, but in order to expel too much feelings.
But did not expect nephew, exciteantly shouting unusually excited.
"Remember, remember, aunt, there is a big lake? Is there a lot of fish in the lake? I will feed the fish every day."
"Do you really remember? "
" Remember some, some don't remember, it is my mother to tell me. "
Oh, it turns out that is this. The little memory stored in my mind is nothing more than that of the adults continue to repeat, memories of a story template, I have been a long time, as I have a memory. The adult is not the same, as many as the same dream, the number is more, and it is a dream or realistic.
Carrying a nephew to the lake. The red wooden pavilion on the lake is still rich in emperor, and the stone bridge guardrail of Han Baiyu is still white. It's just that there are less fountains in the lake, which seems to be a little angry than before. It is probably because of the boast of summer sun, everything looks lazy. I found a little cool place, leaning on the stone bridge railings, pulled the nephew, pointing at the floating of the shadow under the bridge, "Fast, Goldfish. You used to feed the fish here."
The nephew glared over the eyes, and the eyes were staring at a strip of the head, freely swimming, and I didn't know what I was thinking. Those golden, red, black, white, and black and white comparable fish, I will integrate a cluster, and I have rushed everything, and I will play my meals for a while.It also competes for fish food.
How many years ago, I wrote a short term "a little lonely little fish", which is from here. That summer, I was here for ten days. My brother would have less troubles. Every night, I will bring a tiredness, bring my nephew, hold a little child, let's come here to see the fountain, buy goldfish. I originally liked fish, whenever I saw the lively fish painted, I wanted to reach out and wanted. But when I realively saw it, and the grand occasion of hundreds of goldfish agglomeration, but did not produce a little excitement and spiritual shock.
Maybe it's too young, too rare, or even say it is a disease. On the summer night, many people use a walk, in the lake heart pavilion, squeezed with fish in the water, and enjoy the incandescent lamp and clear water in the water, attracted by the food. Large group of large group of beautiful tour fish. Although the first time with the fish is the edge, I actually dishearted the scene of them, I think it is a ugly, a kind of mood, a sorrow. Therefore, I would rather hide a dark corner, go with the tail, not talking to the small fish that fights with the strike.
However, what is the lonely little fish in the past eight years? Perhaps it is assisted by the same type around, and maybe with her lonely, she is still unique, or have been dead. In short, I didn't see her again, and the extraordinary fish I liked.Now thinking now, why we are not like this fish, being hurt, being bound by people, being appreciated, being played. Survival, absolutely not easy, it needs skills. Living in the bottleneck, I know that my loneliness is no. So, for those living, weak lives are just a bit compassion, some sad, and completely lost disgust and hate.
Revert it to the body, I saw the nephew in the railing, holding a jaw in hand, still looking at the gods.
Suddenly, I feel that the nephew is nine years old, or a child, but the fish is old.
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