夜静得那么凄凉 ，不由得让人变得伤感 。当黑夜里的寂寞与孤独并肩来袭时，自己既然也会抵挡不住悄悄的流泪。我总是试着用笑容去掩饰心中的忧愁与孤独，总是在自我安慰 ，对自个说，我现在过得很快乐。在朋友面前总是费力地挤出微笑 。让他们看起来我是一个开朗快乐的人。委屈，难过时总会找一个安静的地方安静的流泪。泪一滴滴的嘀哒在那双冰冷的手上这时自己才意识到那所谓的坚强已经不堪一击了。我不想暴露我的脆弱 。总是大大咧咧，一副天塌下来还有我挡的架势。总是做着别人的后盾。可是当我一个人的时候 ，我才发现，原来我也需要我的开解者，需要我的后盾！
记得曾经在《读者》里看过一句话：祥子的泪要落下来的时候 ，他不会和别人谈心，因为他的话都是血作的 。窝在心的深处。当时看完这句话时，自己早已热泪盈眶。也许这就是我想用文字表达内心最真实的想法的语句吧!对我而言 ，也许我早已习惯了无言的孤独，习惯了自卑的折磨吧！我总是强忍着不让泪水溢出，可是还是躲不开应有的情绪 ，还是不懂得如何去放下某些东西 。
看起来身边的朋友很多，可是知心的错却没有几个。伤心难过的时候只有孤单陪伴，有时候自己也会选择文字来倾诉那凌乱的心情。可是每次提起笔在纸上挥洒时 ，自己总会不知不觉地下起了“雨” 。看着那被泪水浸没的文字，总会悲由心生，曾经自己也试着敞开心门，让朋友走进我的内心深处。可是每当心中计划着如何调剂情绪时 ，却有因为心情烦躁而无法实行。始终无法打开心中之结 。面对身边的一切，自己总是假装不在意。《意林》中不是有这样的一句话吗？孤独不是在山上而是在街上，不在一个人里面而是在许多人中间。 ”的确没错 ，茫茫人海中却没有一个能了解自己的人，的却很孤独。在热闹的人群里，常觉得有无处可躲的孤独 ，而唯一可以拯救我的就是写字，不停地写，将内心郁积的所有的恐惧 ，忧伤和惆怅，都用文字，来意义消解 。
每天都用那些幼稚可笑的言语与方式来麻痹自己 ，总是疯疯癫癫的。用虚伪的笑脸，跟身边的人打成一片。每一次狂笑后，总会有种莫名的心酸 。也许苦笑真的是一种煎熬吧!因为伪装的笑容总是让人活得很累。如《知足》里的歌词一样：哭着笑最疼。
在无人的角落总是自己问自己 。我什么我总要压抑自己的心情。为什么我总是逃避，明明对一切都很在乎 ，却总是装作不在乎，可事后谁有能了解我的内心，谁又听见我的叹息呢。在 ，没人的时候 。我会偷偷跌倒，但是生存和自尊不允许我这样，他们要我继续坚强 ，我的笑容想要去伪装，我的泪水却早已投降。对于我来说，身边的一切都是那么虚伪。连眼睛看到的种种都是假面的 ，自己用心去感受到的东西都是错误的，这个世界有太多的尔虞我诈，有太多的人裹上厚厚是的伪装 ，连快乐，幸福都是假的，一切一切都是那么的不真实 。
有时候自己的坚强被击垮时，也会偶尔地放纵自己。总想用飞蛾扑火的方式来发泄心中的不快。其实在每个人的心里面都存在哀愁的一面 ，只是有些人善于把自己这一面的弱点隐藏起来，有人则直接的表露出来。如郭敬明说的“真正对生活充满敏锐且能写善文的人，你在生活里面是无法看出来的 ，那些在你身边嘻哈大笑，没心没肺的人才是生活灵感最大的承受着”也许这句话对于有些人来说没什么，会有同感吧 。
开朗的背后 ，必定有心酸的苦楚，坚强的彼岸，就是一触即碎的脆弱。开朗的背后往往潜藏着许多秘密 ，许多故事！
后记：这是零八年，消极悲观的自己，那时候 ，多么希望可以洗去自己内心的阴霾，让笑不那么牵强。现在回望，自己的过去，曾经的碎碎念里 ，竟是那么幼稚 。思想那么的不成熟！如今那段日子，不再重现！我应该为自己敲一次警钟。
Night is so bleak, can't help but become sad. When the loneliness in the night is hit by the loneliness and shoulders, since you can't resist quiet crying. I always tried to use a smile to cover my heart and lonely, always comfort, say it, I am very happy now. I always extrude smile in front of my friends. Let them look, I am a cheerful and happy person. Deep, sad, will always find a quiet place quiet cry. A tear dripping 嘀 嘀 is in the cold hand this time, it is aware that the so-called strong is unbearable. I don't want to expose my fragility. It is always big, a pair of collapse and I have the same. Always do the backing of others. But when I was alone, I found out that I also need my reinforcer, I need my backing!
Remember to have seen a sentence in "Reader": When Xiangzi's tears fell, he won't talk to others because his words are blood. The nest is in the depths of the heart. When I was reading this sentence at the time, I had already laughed. Maybe this is what I want to express the most real idea of my heart! For me, maybe I have been used to being alone, I am used to the inferior torture! I always have to force the tears that can't overflow, but I can't hide the emotions, or I don't know how to put down some things.
It seems that there are many friends around you, but there are few words that are intimate. When sad is sad, only lonely companionship, sometimes you will choose the text to teach the messy mood. However, every time I lift the pen on the paper, I will always don't know how to "rain". Looking at the text that was immersed by tears, it will always be sad, and I have tried to open my heart, let my friend walk into my depths. However, whenever the heart planning how to adjust the emotions, there is nothing to practice because of the irritability. Never open the knot in the heart. In the face of everything around you, you always pretend that you don't care. Is there such a sentence in "Mein"? Lonely is not on the mountain but is on the street, not in the middle of a person but in many people. "It's true that there is no one who can understand yourself in the vast sea. In the lively population, I often feel that there is a lonwhere, and the only thing can save me is writing, keeping Write, depth in the heartSome fear, sadness and 惆怅, use text, meaning done.
With those childish speech and way to paralyze themselves, always crazy. Use the hypocritical smile, and it is a piece of people around you. Every time you laugh, there will always be inexplicable heart. Maybe a bitter is really a torment! Because the camouflage smile is always very tired. Such as the lyrics in "contentment": crying and laughing.
Along the unmanned corner always asked himself. I always suppress my mood. Why do I always escape, I don't care about everything, but I don't care, but who can understand my heart afterwards, who heard my sigh. In, no one is when it is. I will secretly fall, but survival and self-respecting don't allow me, they want me to continue strong, my smile wants to disguise, my tears have already surrendered. For me, everything around you is so hypocritical. Even the all kinds of eyes are all false, and what they feel with heart is wrong. There are too many of the world, there are too many people who are wrapped in a thick camouflage, even happy, happiness It is fake, everything is so unhappy.
Sometimes, when you are strong, you will still indulge yourself. I always want to vent my heart in the way. In fact, there is a sad side in everyone's heart, but some people are good at hiding their weaknesses in this face, and some people directly express them. For example, Guo Jingming said, "I really have a keen, you can be full of people, you can't see it in life, those who laughed around you, no heart, no lungs, the biggest life is the greatest," Maybe This sentence is nothing to do, there will be feelings.
After the cheerful, there must be a bitterness of the heart, and the opposite side of the side is a fragile and fragile. Behind the lake is often hidden in many secrets, many stories!
After: this is zero eight years, negative and pessimistic, then, I hope to wash it out of the haze of my heart, and it is not so stunned. Looking back now, my past, I used to shock the broken thoughts, actually so childish. Thought is so immature! At that time, it is no longer reproduced! I should knock my alarm for myself.
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