寻找petty

作者:童青珍人气:165更新:2021-07-13 17:26:04

从前被人孤立的时候很怕文体课,可以孤独地让人掉泪 ,

从前被人欺负的时候很怕遇到欺负我的人,可以像文革那时那么悲伤,

从前被人玩弄的时候 ,明明就是骗我去同学的生日会自己有个伴,过后却说其实那个同学并不想让我去。

从前被老师看不起的时候,明明就知道我不是有心 ,还把我和我的母亲臭骂一顿,同学们还在暗自偷笑 。

 

很努力很努力地学习,终于有了点成绩 ,可是到毕业却独自一人坐在教室的角落,等,等 ,没有找我写同学录 ,

很努力很努力地练习,虽然经常体育拿第一,可是到头来才发现自己的长处并不被人欣赏 ,

很努力很努力地再学习,又再很努力很努力地锻炼,可到头来却发现压力越来越大 ,很想逃课,

很努力很努力地看文学书,经常看看写写 ,虽然有点进步,却越来越陷入悲观的深渊。

 

都说我们渴望长大,都说我们应该学着成长 ,都说我们应该坚强地成长,到现在我成长吗?

十几年前的旧账翻到现在,是不是心胸太狭隘 ,是不是我还是十几年前的我 ,仍然没有成长?

一直一直有一份痛,是没有朋友的痛,也有一分痛 ,价值被否定的痛,还有一份痛,是一直一直身体都不能好的痛 ,更有一份痛是有一根手指顶着前额,怎么站也站不起来的痛,书上说那个手指就是你心里非理性的阴影和创伤。

不是你不够坚强 ,不是你意志不坚定,也不是 。。忘记书说什么了,总之不是自己内心不够强大 ,而是那些手指你还没有找出来。

会是这样吗?也许吧,可是我内心的确很脆弱,也没有什么坚强的意志 ,

 

可是我还发现原来自己很好胜 ,很虚荣,明明自己做得不好,就硬逼着别人说我很棒 ,有时不敢这样对别人,就心里很难受,很不服气 ,回家跟母亲说去,曾经因为一个同学的存在影响了我的好胜好斗的心,我写了一张“赢”的纸条贴在柜子里 ,到现在十几年过去了,我仍然还是那么长不大,仍然好胜好斗 ,如果母亲不赞同我,我就大发雷霆,甚至一些很不正常的事情也要她来赞同 。

是不是就是这个原因使我走不出自己设置的迷局 ,

自卑的心 ,头从低着到高昂,胸从弯着到笔挺,高无视一切 ,也不是没有过,或许它只在母亲面前显示,其实还是自卑深入骨髓 ,从来说话就不能很顺利地说下去,从来做体育委员的时候就不敢用命令的口吻使队伍整齐,从来跟别人说话眼睛都不敢正视对方 ,从来别人直视我的时候我的身体就有一种奇怪的感觉涌上来,问我问题,我一时想不起来 ,那种感觉会再次涌上来,

 

孩子,你到底怎么了?怎么会变成现在这个样子?孩子 ,你怎么了 ,妈妈好心疼,我问我自己,到底怎么了 ,到底是谁的错,不过现在追究是谁的错又有什么意义?都十几年了,你还没有站起来 ,你不心疼你自己吗?其实我心疼我自己,只是过去的事情在脑海中印象太深,连做梦都是它们 ,只是对生活失去了信心,对身体失去了信心,对未来深感迷惘 ,害怕以后有悲惨的结局,害怕老年孤苦无依。

 

其实我一直在寻找我的幸福,只是克服重重心理障碍的过程也是寻找幸福的必须之路 ,也是一种幸福的过程 ,到最后,当你把手指头把内心强大起来的时候,发现苦难其实也是一种幸福 ,也发现自己真正长大了,自己寻找到了幸福。

英译版本:

When I was isolated, I was very afraid of a cultural and sports class. I can let people tears alone.

When I was bullied, I was very afraid that people who were bullying me can be like a cultural entrance. So sad,

When I was played, I was obviously lie to me to go to the birthday, I have a companion, but I said that in fact, that classmate didn't want me to go.

When I was can't stand by the teacher, I knew that I didn't have a heart, and I also stunned me and my mother, my classmates were still secretly.

Very hard work, finally learned, but I graduated alone, I sat alone in the corner of the classroom, wait, wait, didn't look for me to write the classmate,

"

very hard to practice hard, although often take the first, but when I arrived, I found my strengths and didn't be appreciated,

very hard to study hard, and then very hard Work hard, but I find that the pressure is getting bigger and bigger, I really want to escape,

very hard to study the literature book, often look at writing, although it is a bit progress, but it is more and more pessimistic abyss.

All said that we are eager to grow, say that we should learn to grow, say that we should grow strong, now I grow up now?

The old accounts in more than ten years have turned to the present, is it too narrow, is I still don't grow?

has always had a pain, there is no friend's pain, there is also a painful pain, the value is denied, there is a pain, it has always been a good pain, there is a painful pain. The root finger is on the forehead, how to stand still the pain, say that the finger is the irrational shadow and trauma in your heart.

Not you are not strong enough, not your will not be firm, nor. . Forgotten a book saying, it is not strong enough to be in your heart, but you haven't found it yet.

Will it be like this? Maybe, but I am really very in my heart.Vulnerable, there is no strong will,

But I also found that I have a great victory, very vicious, clearly do it, I'm hard to say that I am great. Sometimes I don't dare to give others, I am very uncomfortable, I am very uncomfortable, go home and say that I have affected my win-winged heart because of a classmate, I wrote a "win" note. Stickled in the cabinet, I have been in the past for more than ten years, I am still so long, still a good fortune, if my mother does not agree with me, I am big and thunder, or even some very abnormal things have to agree.

Is this reason that makes me can't set it out,

Feel the heart, the head is low, the chest is bent to the pen, high ignore everything, Nor did it, maybe it's only in front of your mother, in fact, it is still inferent into the bone marrow. If you say, you can't say smoothly. When you do a sports member, you will not dare to use the order of the tone to neat, never talk to others. I didn't dare to face each other. When I came to see my body, my body had a strange feeling, asking me, I couldn't think of it, the feeling will come again,

What happened to you? How can I become like this? Child, what happened, my mother is very distressed, I asked me myself, what happened, who is wrong, but now who is investigated? What is wrong? More than ten years, you have not stood up, don't you feel bad? In fact, I have distressed myself, but the past thing is too impressed in my mind, even dreaming is them, but I have lost confidence in life, I have lost confidence in my body. I am deeply fascinated by the future. I am afraid of tragic outcomes. Elderly is relieved.

In fact, I have been looking for my happiness, just overcoming the process of serious mental disabilities is also the way to find happiness, and a happiness process, until the end, when you take your finger When I was strong, I found that suffering is also a kind of happiness, and I found that I really grow up, I've been looking for happiness.

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